“Wisconsin? Are you sure Tom? I was never good at geography. My damn team should have been more specific. I thought they were telling me that the debate would be in Alaska. No wonder everyone is pissed at me,”
“I thought I’d have to lug my ass all way up north. That’s a long flight when you’re changing your diaper every hour or so. A waste of time. That’s why I have become so dependent on my ‘Depends’. I get a royalty every time I use the brand name.
“So it’s in Wisconsin - they love me there. At least that’s what Stephen Miller tells me. And he fact checks everything he says - haven’t you noticed?
“No, I love Milwaukee and their baseball team - the Milwaukee Orioles - I never miss a game. I was at the game when Roger Maris hit his 123rd home run.
“I think they love me in Milwaukee, it’s just so damn hard to spell and pronounce. And come to think of it - the state name - Wisconsin is hard to pronounce.
“I have real ties to the state - my best friend is from the Sunshine State of Wisconsin. I can’t remember his name right now and I haven’t seen him or his wife for long time.
“I took his wife on a twelve hour vacation one time - cheap vacation - I only spent twenty five bucks, and she offered to throw her daughter into the mix for another twenty bucks for half an hour. I almost took her up on the offer but they wouldn’t take a cheque.
“So as you can see, I have fond memories of Milwaukee - if I was capable of remorse I’d apologize for my statement of last week.
“But seriously Tom, I really don’t give a fuck. They have no choice but to vote for me.
“I have all their addresses.”
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