About That Phone Call From Spanky
Friends with job offers. Is there anything better?
Ringgggg.
“Hello, Stephanie Grisham speaking.”
“Hey sexy, how’d you like to run press for me?”
“Who is this?”
“Your president. I’m married to your friend Melancholia, uh Melania. She must mention me sometime.”
“Oh, yes sir. So sorry, I didn’t recognize your voice. No one but your wife and Matt Gaetz ever call me. And Matt just calls to go drinking. No one will drink with him anymore. But I will. I don’t have many friends.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah - I really don’t give a fuck. Nothing to do with me. I have no interest. Now how about it? Wanna do press?”
“I have no qualifications, no experience in anything like that at all. I wouldn’t know where to begin. And I’d have to do press conferences? No way. I have a few psychological issues. Fear of crowds, fear of people. A lot of fear and anxiety. Questions scare the shit out of me sir. I have to drink heavily and gobble Xanax just to get thru the day. No sir, I don’t think I’d be a good fit. Besides…”
“I know what it is - you heard what Stormy said about my cock, didn’t you? Now let me assure you, not a word of that was true. I have a magnificent dick. Not at all like a toadstool. Long and thick. Here, I’m sending you a picture of it now. What is it you kids call it these days? A dick pic. That’s it - I’m sending you a dick pic and I’m sure this will change your mind.”
“Whoa, it just arrived. Did you just take this photo just now? Where are you? That looks like the Oval, and who else is there? That looks like the Chiefs of Staff.”
“So whaddya think? Raise in pay! And screw it, you won’t have to do any pressers. Those media guys are so nosy. I need you Sheila.”
“It’s Stephanie sir.”