Alabama to outlaw spay/neutering of pets

"They carry potential babies."

In a concerted effort to promote their “every life is sacred” agenda, the Alabama GQP has declared that the spay-neutering of animals a sin and as such against Alabama law.

In a midnight raid, masses of Alabama Repuglicans ambushed every vet office as well as all animal shelters - releasing hundreds of animals to the streets - “to do what comes naturally to them.”

Within hours the air in Alabama became all but toxic to human beings, who seem to have an aversion to non-neutered male cats spraying everything in sight.

Clem Hooper, spokesperson for the group of pro-life whack-a-doos told me, “We will also be rounding up human males who have had vasectomies and reversing the procedure. And we plan to do something similar for female humans who have had their tubes tied.

“We are facing an exodus of our human population as people try to escape Queen Kay’s edict of forced birth. We are expecting a law forbidding vasectomies to come any day now. But that may not happen as our male population is quite proud of their ability to impregnate any woman they chose.”

I checked in with TFG to get his opinion, and after I explained what it all meant, he asked me, “Do you think they can reduce the length of a man’s scrotum?”

“My balls are hanging down near my knees as I have gotten older and their length is starting to make me walk funny. I am always leaning forward. It’s causing me to fall flat on my face.

“Ramps terrify me.”

#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini #HeroyamSlava

#NeverMetAnAnimalIDidNotLikeExceptThatBigMeanOrangeCatAtTheEndOfTheBlock