Breaking - Matt Gaetz HAD to get married

And Trump held the shotgun

I was hunting rodents down in Florida a few weeks back - taking a much needed break. Like the Trump brothers, I like to get out and slaughter a few of God’s creatures every once in awhile.

It’s a cat thing - instinct - I can’t fight it. Don’t hate me. Nick thinks it’s disgusting but I do see him scarf down a burger once in a while. Anyway…

I heard rumors that the best rat hunting was to be had at a “resort” of sorts. So I headed to Mar-A-Lardo - the spot for rodents and objectionable creepy-crawlers I was told. Kind of a shit hole if you ask me, and the people were a disgusting lot, but rats and bugs were everywhere.

This is what I saw and heard…

Deep in the bowels of Spanky’s motel, TFG was speaking with pedophile and trafficker of teen-age girls, Matt Gaetz.

Had never seen either of them in person - TFG is huge and jiggles a lot, and Gaetz is the greasiest human I have ever seen. Right up there with MTG. Slime balls- the pair of them. I bathed for two hours after getting out of there. Suffice it to say, they looked and smelled like something out of a slaughterhouse. I vomited a lot.

“You fucked up big time you greasy piece of shit," TFG was shouting at the cowering congressman.

Don Jr. appeared.

“Did you call me? I heard ‘greasy piece of shit’ - thought you needed something. Or are you looking for Eric?”

TFG replied, “Fuck off loser. And go shave and shower - you look like an armpit with eyes. You smell like Bannon. And take your whore with you. I keep confusing her with Melania. Eat at your own house - you owe me for last week’s meals. And tell Melania and Barron they owe me last week’s rent.”

He turned his attention back to Gaetz, “Now pimp, you are attracting far too much attention with this stable of yours. You remember Epstein - you want to end up like him?”

Gaetz looked down at his shoes and shook his head.

TFG continued, “So what you’re going to do is - marry one of them. I don’t care which one. We need to divert attention. Divert? Did I use that word correctly? “

“No idea - I don’t know what it means. My dad bought my degree. But I understand sir.”

“Anyway - you marry one, and you do it soon, and do it on the sly. Or you get Epsteined. Understand?”

Gaetz nodded.

“You wait for a few months after the wedding and then you announce that she’s pregnant. I don’t care if she is or not, just do it as we get close to midterms.”