Chatting with Ivanka - the next Estée Lauder?
"I don't visit daddy anymore - I've gotten about all the cash I can get from being near him. I'm building a make-up empire now."
Stopped by to chat with Ivanka the other day. She didn’t seem to realize that she was talking to a cat. She likes talking. A lot. I asked about her father.
“Daddy should just spend all his time at the golf course. Some of the people there like him. One of the few places in America. Jared and I don’t visit him. It’s just too embarrassing.”
“I mean - he had Thanksgiving with a far right Nazi and an antisemite who can’t even decide what his name is. What the fuck kind of name is Ye?”
“Who has Thanksgiving dinner with people like that? I know he doesn’t really have any friends, but seriously? Even that pillow guy and Rudy would have been a better optic.”
“Anyway - Jared is spending most of his time with Arabs these days and I got a great idea for a new business on Tiffany’s wedding day.”
“We girls were in the limo on our way to the church when the car hit a pothole. A big pothole. A huge chunk of makeup fell off Kimberly’s face and left a huge gap. I sprung into action and forced the driver to stop at a Home Depot and buy some spackle. We hired a couple of Mexicans who were hanging around and they patched her up and painted over the fix.”
“Looked pretty good but it needed to dry so we made her hide until it had set. She missed most most of the photos - but that was just as well. I mean who the fuck wears black to a wedding? Morticia Guilfoyle.”
“Anyway, I have already contracted a bunch of Chinese kids to manufacture the spackle for me. Same kids that did my clothing line. They work cheap. I’m just not sure what they will be putting in the makeup. Watch for Ivanka Make-Up to be on sale at a Walmart near you in time for Christmas. We’re also working on a deal with Home Depot.”
#AdoptDontShop