Reptile impersonator Ted Cruz, Tucker Carson’s personal hacky sack, had the crap kicked out of him on network TV yet again last week.
‘News As Entertainment’ viewers (aka MAGAts) were treated to a two-night extravaganza of Cruz spanking, and one night of his embarrassing groveling and apologizing. I could not watch the whole thing - Cruz makes me gag at the best of times - he’s like a huge fur ball for me. Not unlike Jimmy-boy Jordan.
Word has it that Cruz’s testicles are now hanging from Tucker’s dressing room mirror.
Cruz’s wife Heidi suggested that it was no big loss as he hadn’t used them in years.
“Not since 2011,” she explained, “It was nine months prior to the birth of our second daughter in 2011, to be exact. Now can you please get the hell out of my house. You seem nice enough, but I’m allergic to cats.”
The first night of the two night spectacle began with Cruz condemning the terrorists - and on the second night, he begged everyone’s forgiveness for being silly and calling them insurrectionists.
“I am so sorry Sir Tucker, I’m on new medication and did not know what I was saying. It happens a lot in the GQP.”
As anyone who is familiar with the sycophant knows, Teddy is as slippery as a clumsy eel. (With apologies to eels everywhere.)
His oldest daughter has said that there is not much on which they agree and has seemingly distanced herself from him. She seems like a lovely girl will probably run away from home in the next year. My prediction.
In Cruz’s office, I asked him what had happened to cause the embarrassing display on the second night, and if he wished he had gone to Cancun.
He answered, “How the hell did you get in here? Fuck off cat. Who let you in?”