Dear Tucker - Will testicle tanning make me more popular?
"My balls are a pale white and I have few friends."
Dear Tucker - my balls are a pale white and I have few friends. Will testicle tanning make me more popular?
Lonely in Alabama
Dear Lonely,
Yes! A thousand times yes!
Although anything white is good, a tanned scrotum drives women wild and will make you the life of any party.
Just look at Matt Gaetz - he had few friends and women were terrified of him before he started zapping his balls. Now he’s got beauties like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert clamoring for his attention.
So, get started today by sending us $1000 (cash or credit card only, no checks) and we’ll send you a coupon for not one, but five laser treatments at any GOP office.
CASH OR CREDIT CARD ONLY - NO LIVESTOCK ACCEPTED.
Happy zapping!
Your tanned testicle friend,
Tucker Carlson