Fox News goes totally fact free.
"We had to - our viewers were confusing our news with the truth."
Fox News announced last night that as of February 1st, they will be totally fact-free.
“Not one iota of truth will be found in anything our news staff say or show you. So don’t even look for it. We’re tired of educated people fact-shaming our entertainers and pseudo-felons like Tucker. Don’t even use the word ‘news’ in conjunction with them. They are entertainers, pure and simple.
“We realize that this will put a lot of fact-checkers out of a job, but they can just as easily find work fact-checking weather forecasts. That’ll be a little more productive than watching our network. Give them a way to earn an honest day’s living.”
Asked about how this policy change will impact Fox news staff, Billy-Joe Crocket, Executive VP-in-charge of Fabrications and Bald-faced Lies, said “It will not impact anything. Not in the least. As a matter of fact, it will be an opportunity for several of them to sharpen their fiction skills - several of them have indicated a desire to pursue a career writing fiction novels and movie scripts.”
It was at that point that Billy-Joe noticed that I was a cat, and I expected the usual ‘get the fuck out of here’.
None came.
Instead he offered me a job in the 4 PM slot.