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Issue 300 (Double Feature) - 1st Nov 2024
Editorial statement: Goodbye America
With the American election just days awar, we felt that it was important for us to make a statement as the most trusted news outlet.
So our message to American voters is clear: goodbye!
We were hoping that you would make the obvious decision, but considering your education standards, it doesn't surprise us that you will ultimately end up failing this basic history lesson.
You do still have a chance to not completely fuck up your country, but decision making isn't really your strong suit. Just look at your gun policies, or how long James Corden got to host a tv show.
We understand and accept that America approaches politics like how the messy friend in the group chat approaches situationships.
But like with that friend, we can't sit by while you get back with your toxic ex who doesn't care about you or keep his hands to himself.
Clearly this where we must say goodbye. We want to abort our friendship with your country now, before the Republicans ban us from being able to do so.
We obviously are not including the Australian government in this though, they will continue to do whatever your president says, licking your boots cleaner than a Qantas chairman's lounge.
Don't be sad America, you've had a good... well not good... you've had a run. But now you are going to fuck it up.
We would like to ask if you can give us back the Hemsworths and Margot Robbie first though. But if it makes you feel better, you can keep Mel Gibson.
We think he fits your current vibe well.
Goodbye and good luck,
The Chaser Editorial
(We're like the Onion but less respected or popular)
#Kamala for President!
#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini #HeroyamSlava
#NeverMetAnAnimalIDidNotLikeExceptThatBigMeanOrangeCatAtTheEndOfTheBlock
Note - instead of subscribing to my posts please donate the money to an animal welfare organization. (e.g. ASPCA etc).
Winter is coming and they desperately need the money
That's a sad letter. Don't count us out yet. We would be happy though to give you back Rupert Murdoch. He's been one of the greatest cancers on this country.
Again, somebody wake up David Remnick. You have out-Borowitzed Andy--not that it's ever a zero sum game. :)