As the House GOP leadership race enters it’s tenth month Matt Gaetz finally gave the boot to interim leader Kevin McCarthy.
I thought this would be an opportune time to chat with the next House Speaker - Gym Jordan.
I began by asking him WTAF he was trying to accomplish by “governing” in shirt sleeves. It does little for his credibility. At least in my feline brain.
His rapid-fire diatribe began, “You know cat, by not wearing a jacket I distract people from the content of what I’m saying and get them to listen carefully.”
I told him that he looked like the guy who comes to your office to fix the photocopier.
I also inquired about his extremely rapid pace of speaking.
“Well cat - it’s all part of my image. I speak real fast to divert attention from the fact that I have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s similar to the old saying ‘bullshit baffles brains’. I’ve lived my whole life like that.
“Even when I was a little kid explaining my behavior to my parents, I’d rapidly spew out pure gibberish. They had no clue what I was talking about and they’d get real bored and just stop listening. I avoided a lot of punishment that way.
“For instance, I once set our border collie on fire. By accident, of course. I was trying to light my sister’s hair. My mom put out the dog fire and demanded that I explain. I rambled on for five minutes before she tired of listening to the garbage I was spewing and sent me to my room while she rushed the dog to the vet.
“When I lost my job for hanging around the school’s shower room I could not find a job anywhere. No one wanted me anywhere near their businesses. I was not allowed in most of the stores in town. I went to law school but being a lawyer sounded like a lot of real work.
“I was a state wrestling champ but I didn’t see a future there - I did not want to work for the WWF - the wrestling WWF - not the wildlife organization. I’m on their blacklist for the collie thing.
“Then it hit me. Politics. I went to law school. I spew bullshit. I spew it fast enough that people don’t listen or understand.
“And now I’m on the verge of being House Speaker. God bless America.”
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