BoJo shows up at No10 for pre-funeral party
"I've got mates coming over for a funeral eve bash. We had such fun when Philip died."
Larry the No10 Cat informs me that Boris Johnson returned to Downing Street late last night.
“I got the hell out of there when I heard the key in the door and smelled the all too familiar cheap booze. I was in the middle of a campaign meeting with my catpaign manager and supporters. As you are no doubt aware I’m running for PM.”
PM Liz Truss explained that she was not in the least bit surprised by BoJo’s middle of the night break-in.
“I was expecting this nocturnal visit. He had previously asked if he could hold a party on the eve of the Queen’s funeral. I told him to sod off.”
“He had partied all night when Prince Philip passed on, so this was bound to happen. I thought little of it as I figured surely the guards would prevent him from gaining entry.”
“Well it turns out all the guards have spent considerable time partying with the wanker-in-chief.”
“And the tosser still has a key. He just let himself in. Larry was smart enough to bugger off the moment he heard Boris’s voice and smelled the booze.”
“BoJo showed up at about 1130 - drunk as a sailor on leave - with about 40 other drunk men and an assorted group of bar slags. I did not recognize a single one of his entourage and can only assume that they were men and tarts with whom he had been drinking at the local.”
“And as if all this wasn’t enough, he had invited over a dozen street slags they had come across as they made their way to No10. All of whom showed up in various stages of undress. They brought cocaine which they sold to the crowd.”
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