JD Vance instructed to keep his mouth shut and stop wearing eyeliner

His whole raison d'être.

Sat down with JD Vance the other day to see how he’s enjoying his new job.

“Well Tom, to tell the truth - this job sucks. I was better off working at the 7-11.

“I have been ordered by President Musk to never speak in public again. And they’ve got me in this broom closet as an office. I’m not sure but I think I’m in the custodian closet.

“Trump told me that for all I am allowed to do - this office should be more than enough.”

I looked around - thank God I can see in the dark - the room is lit by a candle - which he told me he has to buy himself.

“They don’t provide lighting, nor did they give me a desk. President Musk said that I had no need for a desk given what I am permitted to do from here on. If I behave I may be seen in public dressed in an Easter Bunny costume.

“I screwed up the other day - the only time I was allowed to speak to the public. And that was that -I was told I am not allowed to be seen in public - ever.

“This job sucks - I don’t do anything. I’m nowhere near the official Veep office. If they call a meeting that I’m permitted to attend I have to take public transportation - and I have to pay for it myself. They’ve got me on the outskirts of DC. I think I’m in an elementary school- a bell rings every hour or so.”

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