by Tom the Pissed Off Cat
So, it seems that SCOTUS is going to scrap the whole affirmative action thing as regards institutes of higher learning.
“All is proceeding according to plan,” Mitch McConnell informed me this morning as I was sharing my morning rat with him in his secret office. Nobody knows where he disappears to, but I do. By the way, he’s not as bad as everyone thinks. I shared a snake with him once. I asked him if his reptile and rodent diet didn’t constitute cannibalism. He just grinned that terrifying grin of his and told me to fuck right off.
Anyway, after I ate, I was off to the Supreme Court where I found my target. There were a few questions to which I really wanted answers.
“Affirmative action, and the whole abortion issue are the real reason I had all my debt paid and was handed this real dope job,” Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained to me, “I only work a couple of months a year. I don’t even have to be sober. It’s a great gig. Oh, and I almost forgot, once every week until my liver gives out, the Budweiser Clydesdales show up at my house and drop off a couple of kegs. Sweet deal. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I like beer.”
I laughed out loud. He seemed to think that after the confirmation hearing everyone considered him a sober, thoughtful judge. Freaking joke. The guy is a punchline. A cautionary tale. And he smells of stale Budweiser.
“It’s not really a big deal to scrap affirmative action you know; people of color can just have their parents buy them into a college. You know, like all those TV people, Felicity Huffman and those people did a little while ago. So, it’s not a big deal. A couple of months in jail. By the way, how the hell did you get in here? I hate cats. I’m allergic and you guys are so fucking judgmental. Now get the fuck out of here. Go pester Amy. She’s here for the same reasons I am. She got new robes and candles for her coven. Scat cat!”