Kristi Noem caught smuggling weapon(s) into Westminster Dog Show

Had a chat with Kristi via phone - I refuse to get within gunshot range

I heard a rumor that animal executioner Kristi Noem was not allowed entrance to the recently held Winchester Dog Show and thought I’d get her side of the story.

I spoke with her over the phone, as I feared getting within gunshot, and asked her if she actually tried to smuggle in a weapon to the annual canine showcase.

“Truthfully Tom, I did have weapons on me. But I swear that was for my own protection as I have heard that gangs of canine lovers were fearful of my presence, and a great deal of them were out for revenge.

“So I thought it best if I arrived carrying weapons. I’d never purposely hurt an animal - unless it misbehaved or was ugly - hence the goat slaughter. So ugly.

“The horses just pissed me off - crapping and urinating all over the place.

“Every single animal I slaughtered had it coming. I’m thinking of shooting cats next, what with their yowling all night. Can’t get any sleep.

“However, with the cats gone, I do fear being overrun by rodents. The cats serve a single purpose. But I think I can replace them with grenades, landmines or something of that ilk.

“I think this would make me a shoo-in for Veep, Mr. Trump hates animals and female children under breeding age.”

#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini #HeroyamSlava

#NeverMetAnAnimalIDidNotLikeExceptThatBigMeanOrangeCatAtTheEndOfTheBlock