Larry the Cat looking forward to having No. 10 Downing to himself
"Cannot wait until that drunken sod is bounced out of office."
I took a day off yesterday. Sorry about that, for the few of you who look forward to my words each day.
I spent the day on WhatsApp with my good friend, Larry the Cat from the UK. You might know him as Boris Johnson’s roommate. He needed consoling and a sympathetic ear.
He had a few things to say about BoJo and his lifestyle.
And, as you are probably aware, cats can be judgmental.
Larry was in a rage, “I cannot wait for that damn wanker to be booted out on his fat arse. Those damn never-ending surprise parties. Not that he didn’t know they were coming. I’m sure he organized them himself, contrary to what he says. They are Tories after all, and they love their drink and being mean to those poorer than they are.
“He’s always been like this - why do you think he has such a large number of ex-wives and alimony payments that rival the national debt? I am certain he could not give an accurate accounting of his wives and children. Those Eton boys do love their parties.
“About a fortnight ago, I couldn’t sleep, I don’t know why. I never have trouble sleeping. Have you ever heard of a cat with insomnia?
So, I went out to do a little hunting in the garden, figuring it would tire me out, and what do you think was going on? A sodding party was raging. I was the only one wearing a mask. And of course, every damn woman there wanted to pet me, and the sodding men, wankers they are, kept kicking me. There was no social distancing and I saw a number of couples sneak off to breed. Been like this since last year.
“So I went back into the house and had a dump in every pair of BoJo’s shoes and took an especially wet one on his bed.
I then went over to visit my friend Palmerston, the chief mouser at the Foreign Office who was kind enough to put me up for the night. He doesn’t have any of these problems over there.”