Lost a little bit of radioactive material in the Aussie outback? No worries mate.
"We're on it. We're going to look for it after we finish our morning Carltons."
I’m a cat.
Cats are curious.
Damn curious - often to our detriment.
That said - I take a cursory glance at the news from Oz every day.
Since ex-PM Scummo (Scott Morrison) got booted out of office, there really hasn’t been a lot to get pissed off about in Australia.
But - losing a pebble sized piece of radioactive equipment used in mining somewhere along a 1,400-kilometer (about 870 miles) stretch of the Great Northern Highway from Perth to Newman piques my interest.
When something like this happens in the Land Down Under I do get pissed off.
They are so laid-back by nature, those lovable Aussies, those endearing POMs. (POM - Prisoner of the Motherland, referring to the original settlers of Oz - British criminals who had been deported from the UK)
I can imagine the scene in the pub when Rio Tinto made that discovery and decided they’d best be looking for it.
Rio Tinto transportation manager, Scott Sims is on his mobile with his boss…
“Ya boss, we’ll be on it as soon as we finish our morning Carltons. What? Foster’s - I know you’re a Foster’s man, but I can’t drink that swill for breakfast. What’s that you say - fired? Okay I’ll hoist a pint for you - just in case we don’t find that little radioactive dickens. That’ll delay our search I guess. No worries. We’ll all be on the dole I’m sure, you won’t be alone.
“Maybe we deserve a break, the lot of us. We’ve all been paying into it for years. Myself, I think Jones tossed out the missing thingy on purpose, or maybe he swallowed it.
“He is a sort of radical hippy environmentalist - he’s against mining - raping our planet he calls it. And don’t get him started on nuclear shit. He’ll go on for hours about the environment. Weird that he took a job in the mining industry just a fortnight before all this happened.
“I’m starting to think that perhaps he planned all this. He hasn’t shown up today, I popped into the office before breakfast and Katy from personnel told me he called in sick and has apparently filed for long-term disability. I saw a removal company truck in front of his house this morning as I was on my way to the pub for breakfast.”
But the story of the lost radioactive Caesium-137 does have a satisfactory conclusion.
Rio Tinto’s dangerous capsule lost in the Australian outback has thankfully been found.
I just ordered myself a Foster’s.
BTW - I believe Foster’s and Carlton are owned by the same company.
And in case you were wondering - I stand with Jones, who is now living under a different assumed name in Melbourne.
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