Marsha Blackburn gets too near a candle - hair bursts into flames
"Her heavy makeup saved her face from some pretty severe damage."
Marsha Blackburn, the racist seventy-year-old senator from Tennessee, best known for still fighting against a fifty-year-old battle for birth control for women, burst into flames earlier today as she prayed over a candle flame in the Senate chapel.
“I was just praying to my God that the black woman vying for a Supreme Court seat would be rejected when I noticed my hair had burst into flames.”
An aide, who was too embarrassed to admit that she worked for Blackburn explained, “This sort of thing happens all the time with this senator. Almost daily. Fortunately, we were able to extinguish the conflagration before any damage was done to her face. Her makeup is rather thick, almost spackle like, and her face was left intact.”
Blackburn, a child of the sixties, has been using copious amounts of hairspray for fifty years and often bursts into flames, it was explained. Aides are required to carry fire extinguishers as a condition of employment.
“Thank God she doesn’t smoke anymore. I could tell you stories…”
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