Pete Hegseth will be required to take three breathalyzers each day

A drunken secretary of defense??? Sounds very Trumpish.

Church people -Hegseth and family - I have no idea about the kid’s names - I really don’t care

“Truthfully Tom, I used to have a bit of a problem with alcohol. And an issue with drugs, come to think of it.

“I used to love getting ripped on amphetamines and shoot small mammals who happened to wander onto my property.

“And I once shot my son Gunnar - I always hated that name, I chose it because it had the word Gun in it. I had big expectations for him.

“But that’s all behind me now - I’ve been clean and sober for going on two weeks now. I’ve got this now.

“Clean and sober, I swear.

“I just hope the sexual assaults don’t come to light. That may be a show stopper. But I did pay those broads an awful lot of money.

Sadly the hush money came out of Gunnar’s college fund.

“But I did get him a custodian job at Trump Tower. I just hope Melania keeps him on after she is awarded the building after the divorce.

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