Putin offers Trump family refuge
"You'll see for yourself that my palace is far nicer than your insect infected motel."
Dear Reek
It is with great dismay that I hear of your rampant idiocy and downfall.
You have done so much for me that I would like to extend to you, and most of your family, an invitation to flee America and come stay with me at my palace.
I’ve been hiding out here myself since I started my ego-boosting invasion of Ukraine.
I must admit that it is lasting longer than I predicted. Who knew that Ukrainians valued freedom? I’m getting my ass kicked by a former comedian. It’s a little embarrassing. But I must admit that your antics have taken a lot of pressure off me.
As for your family:
Jared - not a good idea to bring him. Jews are not looked upon with much favor here in Russia. He would have to remain in his room and play Tetris all day. If he thinks he would be okay with that, by all means bring him.
Ivanka - bring her here by all mean. We can put her to work. BTW how old was she when you had her rebuilt? Where did you have that done to her? I have several female off-spring that I would like to remake.
Melania - by all means bring her but make sure she understands that she will have to return to her former career. Obviously she is far too old to do the work she did previously, but we feel she would be well-equipped to work as a madam - handling a stable of 20 teen girls.
Donald Jr. - now he’s going to be a bit of a problem. He will not be allowed on social media. Russians do not tolerate meaningless ranting and idiocy. But his cocaine addiction and contacts will come in handy. As my overthrow is becoming imminent I’ve been thinking of expanding my business interests and I’m sure he could put me in contact with Columbian suppliers. I can take care of the logistics. I have considerable holdings in Aeroflot.
Eric - cannot bring his wife. She’s certifiable and an embarrassment to watch on social media. As for Eric - he’ll make a fine custodian here at Putin’s Palace. As long as he doesn’t speak. It’s so embarrassing when he talks.
Kimberly Guilfoyle - I understand she was a lawyer in a past life, but cocaine has relegated her down to Melania’s level. If she’s ok working in a brothel you can bring her. If not - we really don’t want a second cocaine addict ranting lunatic here. Leave her there. I hear Ron DeSantis might be looking for another wife soon. She’d be a good fit.
Your friend,
Vlad
PS Did the FBI get all the classified documents? Or do you have some stashed elsewhere? If you do, bring them. I can use all the help I can get.
#AdoptDontShop