Putin orders Russian scientists to make Botox
Expect to see an older looking Putin, and it's not for the reason you may think
Vlad the Bad is going to be looking a lot older.
It’s not the pressures of the war, but rather that fact that pharmaceutical companies around the globe have stopped providing Russia with all but the most medically needed products.
From Reuters…
U.S. drug maker AbbVie, which owns blockbuster wrinkle treatment Botox, said it has temporarily suspended operations for all its aesthetics products in the country.
What does this mean for Putin, a known aficionado and consumer of the time machine injections?
I sat down and tried to imagine the scene in the Kremlin when the last injection in made.
“Okay, most powerful leader, that’s the last of it.”
“Last of what? What are you talking about? We’re out of Botox? That can’t be, we just got a new batch when I started my march across Europe.”
“We used it all. The war has taken its toll. Are you sleeping well?”
“Sleep? We’re out of Botox, I’m at war, and you wonder if I’m getting enough sleep? What the hell kind of doctor are you? A little compassion please. I’m suffering here.”
“I’m a cosmetic surgeon, we don’t really have feelings. Kind of like you when you bombed the shit out those innocent children in the theater. A real big man, aren’t you? Killing civilians and children, who never did you a bit of harm.”
“I should have you tossed out of a window for that remark. But alas, I need you. Every doctor in the country is terrified of me. They hide when one of my aides are nearby. The world must not see how old I really am. You do know I’m Stalin’s secret son?”
“It’s been rumored since your KGB days.”
“I’ve got my dad’s temperament - be afraid my peasant, be very afraid.”
“What the hell do you expect me to do?”
“I read an article about how they used to inject chicken fat into wrinkles. You will go slaughter a few thousand chickens and scrape the fat. Make me something. If I start wrinkling up the hookers will start charging me more. Oh yeah, and I’ll lose respect. People will say the war is wearing on me. I’ll look weak. We can’t have that.”
Have a good weekend all!
#StandWithUkraine