Something or someone getting old? Get rid of it!
Sorry Gramps, but you're 80 years old, time for us to put you down. It's the law.
A 40 year-old was having a convo with his grandfather and brought up a touchy subject that no one else in the family wanted to breach, “Gramps, you’re 80 years old, you know what that means, right? It’s time to go - we have to have you put down. President DeSantis passed that law, remember?”
“Remember? It was only last March. That piece of human debris who almost lost the Republican Presidential nomination to Chuck Grassley. Grassley would’ve won if DeSantis hadn’t had him euthanized during the campaign.”
The son replied, “And that was the first law DeSantis enacted just before he called for a ban on schools and all reading in America, am I right?”
“Yes - that’s the one.”
Grandpa coughed and replied, ‘The Useless Old Geezer Drain on Public Funds Law’. You can’t be thinking of having me put to sleep?”
“Well it is the law. And the president loves to watch each and every procedure. Gives him no end of pleasure. Don’t fight me on this Gramps. I don’t want it to happen either, but the whole country voted, at least the ones that were permitted to vote. It’s the law. All people over the age of 8o are useless and a drain on the economy and must die, just before the law that forced Americans to buy a new-born baby a gun as a welcome to the USA gift.”
Gramps started to shake and said calmly, “I have written five best sellers in the past five years. One of which was made into a blockbuster movie and cleaned up at the Oscars last year. I won an Academy Award for fuck’s sake. I’ve got a sequel started, they gave me a multi-million dollar advance on it and they haven’t even read a page of it.
“With the advance I was given, I bought you a 4000 square foot house with an indoor and outdoor swimming pool And you can’t swim, but you insisted upon it. I paid for your kid’s tuition when universities and colleges still existed. Your daughter is a doctor - courtesy of me, and her hard work, of course.
“Not to mention Churchill, Queen Elizabeth, Jimmy Carter - still building houses at 98 years of age.
“And at 80, Joe Biden is one of the best Presidents this country has ever seen. Turned America around after the four year shit show and raping of the country by Trump.
“Fuck the GOP, fuck DeSantis and fuck America for having allowed the GQP to flourish. And fuck the Democrats for being the bunch of ageists they are, booting Biden out because he was getting old. And by the way, fuck you and your ungrateful family. You didn’t deserve me.
“I’m moving to Canada and I am going to live in my chalet in Banff.”
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Love and purrs,
Tom and Nick