Taking his cue from FTX, Musk is planning to sell non-existent assets.
Elon is falling on hard times
Devastated and gutted that he has slipped into second place in the “Richest Man In The World” contest, Elon Musk has stopped paying his bills.
He is now searching for a new gambit to generate a few billion dollars in order to climb back into the number one spot. Apparently his Twitter enterprise is due to be evicted from their offices by Easter. And Tesla shares are sinking like Kanye’s reputation.
Briefly toying with the idea of developing a self-driving motorcycle, he approached Harley Davidson to partner with him.
He was laughed out of the building and forced to pay for the coffee and pastries that he had consumed and pocketed while meeting with Harley Davidson management.
Once the meeting was complete, Musk was cuffed to ensure he didn’t snag anything else, and escorted out of the building by security - a few retired Hell’s Angels.
As well, he was forced to pay for his parking and the coffee and pastries he had consumed. As a precaution, Security patted him down and recovered a few hundred dollars worth of office supplies and equipment, including an iPad and a Fitbit. I have no idea what use he would have for a Fitbit. Have you seen him in swimming trunks?
Anyway, after he had changed a flat tire on his Tesla, he offered to pay for his parking in Bitcoin. It was refused, resulting in him having to cover the parking bill by relinquishing his iPhone 14. He bummed some change from a vagrant outside of the complex gates and was allowed to reclaim his car and have his phone returned.
There seems to be a bit of urgency for him to replenish his bank account.
“We’re on the verge of being evicted from our HQ as I have stopped paying rent. I haven’t paid a cent of rent since I took over.
“I’ve got assets and I look good on paper, but I have no cash to speak of, and my Amex bill is astronomical. That reminds me, I’ve got a court date coming up very soon. There is no way I can catch up. I figure we’ve got until Easter until the eviction notices and the subpoenas start arriving en masse.
“Serves me right for seeking advice from President Trump. He had assured me that there is absolutely no shame in not paying bills and declaring bankruptcy multiple times. I’ve almost completely destroyed Tesla and Twitter will be gone before Easter, so I am looking for another tech innovation to which to hitch my wagon. I’m thinking seriously about introducing another crypto currency. But that’s something I can discuss with Sam Bankman-Fried during exercise time in the prison yard.
“I even asked Grimes for some seed money but she just reminded me that I was a year behind in my support payments. I had set up a trust fund for that kid of mine. You know the one - the guy I named after a physics formula I found in an old textbook. She set her dobermans on me and reminded me of the restraining order.
“It was a hell of a morning. I even checked with my dad, he won’t take my phone calls so I had to go over to his place. He reminded me of the fact that he had disowned me right before he had filed a restraining order. But I did get to meet his black pet jaguars. Very rare animals. Beautiful creatures. But very nasty temperaments. Very mean. I’m using the term ‘pet’ rather loosely. Pet is kind of a misnomer. Took 23 stitches. And they came within millimeters of severing my jugular. One hell of a morning.
“Well Tom, it’s been nice chatting with you, and crying on your shoulder. Or where your shoulder would be were you a homo sapien.No one else will listen to me. Thank you for not ripping the flesh off my bones. Very refreshing to meet a feline who isn’t hungry. I don’t usually talk to small mammals but I don’t appear to have any humans willing to listen to me anymore.
“Well I’ve got to get back to the office and get some rest and eat some dry ramen. I’ve got a bed and a hotplate there. I live there now. Rent-free so far. I guess I’ll have to get more advice from President Trump. He won’t give me any money and he says that truthfully he’s cash poor until he sells some valuable documents he’s got stashed away.
“I really thought I could rely on the Trump supporters that I had let back onto the Twitter platform, like QAnon and other lunatic fringe groups. Donors would come to my aid, I was certain.
“But you know what? Most of those carnies are broke and unemployed - they’re broke-ass redneck, racist hillbillies who spend entire social assistance checks donating to Trump, buying weapons and ammo, and of course Trump paraphernalia - junk from the sweat shops of SE Asia.”
Musk suddenly smiled.
“Maybe I should run for President? Those Trumps cleaned up during those four years.”
Now I’m just a left wing liberal Canadian cat and maybe I am suspicious by nature, as most felines are, but I see the seeds of conspiracy and fraud everywhere.
Especially after four plus years of Trump and his clan of felonious carnies - my kitty senses are tingling just as they were in the 2015 election.
Elon Musk’s chicanery portends larceny, fraud, eventual tax evasion and eventual political meddling.
I pray to Bastet the Cat Goddess that I am wrong. But as we all know, cats are seldom wrong.
#AdoptDontShop
Cat lovers…
Can I trouble you to buy me some kitty treats. Just $3. One time only. Nick is threatening to hire me out as a hit man rodent killer if I don’t start earning my keep. Bear in mind that Nick had my balls lopped off some time ago and chasing and murdering innocent rodents holds little appeal for some reason.
Save a feline - buy a treat for Tom.
ko-fi.com/tomthepissedoffcat