Texas Gov Abbortt deputizes most of his state - 'grudge bounties' will soon be a reality.
Texans still not cognizant of the fact that the $10,000 bounty comes from their tax dollars. Majority are just planning to turn in people they don't particularly like.
Ol’ Crazy Greg ‘Abbortt’ has announced further details of his “cash for abortions”brainchild, and explained how he will “eliminate” rape. The Lone Star state, claims the Governor, will be rapist free, we will eliminate rapists, similar to the way our Canadian cousins in Oilberta are rat free.” BTW Oilberta is not rat free.
But we’ll ignore that little “factoid” for now. Suffice it to say that I am a feline, and more than a little familiar with the rodentia of Oilberta. Many is the weekend I have feasted on lukewarm rat on a cold foggy Sunday morning. Good times…
Anyway - chatting with some of the sterling citizens of Texas, we discovered how a good portion of them are planning to use this bounty hunting scheme to simply seek revenge on those who may have wronged them in the past, or might piss them off in the future. Or maybe they just happen to dislike someone and the way he looks.
Billy-Bob “Chainsaw” Wright explained, “Yeah, say some asshole snipes the parking spot you had your eye on at Walmart on a busy Saturday morning. No need to shoot him - so messy and no cash reward. Ammo costs money. Just find out his name, and turn the fucker in. Cha-ching! Christmas is on the way - be a good way to get cash together for gifts for the old lady and the young-uns.”
When asked how on earth he planned to eliminate rapists before the fact, Crazy Greg explained, “You remember the bad old days when America was plagued with witches? Remember the Salem witch trials? They had some good tests to weed out witches. Well I’ve come up with a revised version which will guarantee that we can weed out all rapists in our midst, before they can rape. They will, of course, be eliminated - but not until they have been tested.”
Pushed to explain how these alleged rapists would be eliminated, Greg’s eyes rolled back and he whispered, “Probably best you don’t know the details.”
When queried about due process, Abbort just snorted, “Screw due process. This is Texas. We’ve got friends in all the courts of the land. Including SCOTUS. How do think all this started?”