Alberta’s “do nothing approach” to handling the pandemic appears to be working. The flood of the dead and dying into ICUs is such that the rapid pace at which they drop dead is quickly freeing up ICU beds for the next group of unvaccinated bible thumpers.
“Don’t need a vaccination,” growled one of the soon to be dead Albertans as he was being wheeled into God’s little waiting room and fitted for a respirator, “I have faith in my Lord, Jesus Christ,” he wheezed shortly before drawing his last breath and meeting his maker.
Worried that some will lie dead for any length of time taking up a precious ICU bed, Alberta Health has hired scores of homeless people to cart out the deceased as soon as death has been certified.
John Clark Wesley, 32, unemployed oil worker, “Yeah, we gotta be quick, I started hauling one out the other day, but he wasn’t quite dead yet. A little embarrassing - I was tempted to finish him off by smothering him with his pillow. It’d be easy. We’re paid by the body you know. I got a wife and four kids to feed in a tent down by the river. They count on me.”