Nick has ordered me to take a break from all the political stuff - apparently he feels that I could use a break.
I’ve been getting more and more pissed off and he feels that I’ve become obsessed. I have to admit I’ve been getting a little obsessed with both US and UK politics. But he really freaked when he caught me reading and watching news from the Middle East and India. BTW - I hate Modi.
Nick is very concerned that I might start an international incident, and I am not allowed to view or read anything to do with the Middle East.
He is worried that all the politics is permanently warping my already warped and demented kitty mind - more than it already is.
He insists that I focus more on cat stuff before I start ripping up the furniture and his legs.
As well, quite a few of my readers have been requesting it. Maybe we’re all getting a little tired of the shit show. Besides - given recent events there is a razor thin line between satire and reality. The GOP and Rishi Sunak are doing my work for me.
So here are some cat methods we use to really fuck with our two legged servants.
Pharmacists love me for this one - it results in your human buying copious quantities of tranquilizers and sleeping pills - our druggist always has a bag of kitty treats for me.
Wake with a start while curled up with your human watching TV. Then you stare into the air, as if you’ve heard a noise. This is best at night when the house in quiet and not a sound can be heard. Drives them crazy as they wander around the house looking for whatever. Allow them to settle back into watching the movie and repeat - at this point you should hiss and growl as you stare at nothing. Really scares the shit out of them. Optional - change the channel as they explore the house.
Sleep with your eyes open. Unnerves them to no end.
Figure out how to open fridge, browse and take things out and drop it on the kitchen floor. After this gets old, and it will, try putting things in the fridge e.g. dead mouse, dirty sock/underwear from the laundry.
Bring a child’s toy home. They will panic over to which neighbor they have to return the toy, and explain. BTW - no one will believe the explanation.
5 . This one is a time honored cat tradition - proudly bring home a live rodent and drop it at their feet with a proud, smug look of satisfaction on your face.
Yowl to be let out at 3AM - owner wakes, gets out of bed and opens door for you to let you outside. Then you take a half step outside, only half a step mind you, otherwise you run the risk of having the door shut behind you leaving you outside. While you’re half out, you sniff the air, turn around and scoot back to your human’s bed and curl up on the warm spot. Repeat just after your human falls back to sleep. Don’t worry, they eventually learn but you’ll get thrown out of the bedroom and the door will be closed. You can try yowling and scratching at the door - but I find this usually pisses them off and if you haven’t been fixed you run the risk of a trip to the vets to be neutered.
Pick up their car/house/office keys and bury them outside - or if you are an indoor cat - play with them until they disappear under the fridge.
#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini
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