The results are in...
I’m just a cat, but I do get email.
In the last little while a lot of you have been asking when the publication Slimeball is announcing this year’s awards.
Well, I’m happy to announce that this year’s results are in, and for the most part, the results are what we’d expect.
In the men’s category - no surprise at all - for the fifth straight year - Ted Cruz, hands down.
Ted won for his abandonment of the Lone Star state, as he took a little vacay in the middle of a dangerous winter storm. He slithered out of the frigid and dark state to a sunny, warm resort south of the border.
He claimed the trip was an urgent necessity as it was paramount that he ferry clothes to his family, who were relaxing in the sun. Apparently, they must have been naked. It was a potential sunburn emergency.
What other reason could there be for the sudden urgency to get clothing to his family? What were they wearing upon their arrival? Did the airline let them on the aircraft naked? A lot of questions.
Abandoning his dog without food and water also played a big part in Ted’s victory.
Coming in second - perennial loser - Matt Gaetz because, well let’s face it - he’s Matt Gaetz. Enough said.
In the female category it was expected that Marjorie Taylor Greene would walk away with the award. But MTG was nudged out at the last minute by Lauren Boebert.
It was neck and neck, but Boebert’s admission that she conceived and gave birth to a human-reptile of some sort in the box of a 1984 Dodge half ton snatched the award away from the female weightlifter with the costly aversion to metal detectors.
Make sure you tune in tomorrow when we take a look at a day in the life of the GQP’s favorite slime-ball couple - Traitor Tot Junior and his unpaid concubine, Skank Girl.