This is what happens when you go to the market and you don't have a firm grasp of the local language...
Anyone need some fruit? Perhaps a tampon?
It has become crystal clear that I cannot permit Nick to go alone to our neighborhood market anymore.
He has a tenuous (at best) grasp of the Vietnamese language and is constantly returning from these shopping trips with some bizarre items, as well as far too much fruit and veg.
Yesterday he came home with about 10 pounds of bananas, five pounds of plantains - something he hates and immediately tossed in the trash, massive amounts of strange fruit which will no doubt be tossed without being tasted. He dislikes fruit that requires a lot of work - such as peeling or cutting or the spitting out of seeds - Nick is lazy when it comes to fruit. He prefers fruit that you can just rinse with some water and eat.
I should mention at this point - Vietnam uses the metric system and the merchants at these places are not accustomed to anyone asking for ‘five bananas’. The Vietnamese word for ‘five’ is ‘nam’. That being the only word that Nick can say clearly in Vietnamese. So ‘five bananas’ is interpreted as five kilograms of bananas. A kilogram equals 2.2 pounds. You do the math.
But the strangest thing he has ever wasted money on - a very huge bag of feminine hygiene products. He explained to me that he thought he was asking for corn.
Instead of throwing out the hygiene products, he thought it would be a nice gesture to offer them to the ladies in our hotel. He went door-to-door. After several face slaps, a kick or two in the crotch, and a visit from the police we were evicted and told that we might consider looking for accommodation elsewhere.
Oh yeah - one shopping trip resulted in Nick coming home with a cat that had been hanging around a shop. The cat crapped from one end of the room to the other, and could not be approached without one getting gouged. Nick returned the feline after a night of very wary sleep, profuse bleeding and a wound that required 25 stitches to close.
I queried him politely, “What the actual fuck were you thinking?”
He thought he was ordering cat food.
He’s an idiot but I still love him.
Gotta go - Nick is about to eat 5 bananas. I like to watch.