Tories hold annual Conservative Christmas Cotillion - Larry the No 10 Cat crashes the party
Donald Trump was invited but UK Border Control has deemed him 'inadmissible'
The Tories held their annual Conservative Christmas Cotillion at The Lanesborough London near Hyde Park on Boxing Day evening.
The event got off to a raucous start when Larry the No 10 Cat showed up uninvited and terrified several of the attendees, most of whom had never seen or been that close to a moggie in their all too privileged lives.
Backbenchers were ordered to catch and remove Larry from the hotel ballroom. Spouses were fainting right and left.
A senior cabinet minister who asked that we not dislose his name told us, “He’s not easy to catch, and he’s definitely more intelligent than most members of our caucus.
“It took us over an hour to shoo him to an open door in the hotel ballroom and chase him outside with brooms procured by an eager-to-please barrage of backbenchers. Some of whom were smart enough not to get within striking distance of the mildly annoyed No 10 cat. However, most were not that smart and approached the hissing, clearly pissed off moggie. His fur was stood on end which should have been enough of a warning.
A senior Tory member was heard to say - “If we were in America we’d be armed and could’ve dealt with this a lot faster than we did.
“There were several injuries among our backbenchers most of whom required sutures and large doses of Xanax - until the hotel doctor ran out of benzos.
“Fortunately, the majority of our caucus carry Valium provided to us free of charge by a big pharmaceutical enterprise. They also requested that we not disclose their identity, claiming that they have become somewhat pariah-like.
“They are one of our largest donors and are eager to keep us happy and relaxed, making us only too eager to do their will.”
BoJo brought his own booze = he was too embarrassed to continue ordering every five minutes.
Top shelf liquor, haute cuisine and cabinet level cocaine was provided courtesy of Tory supporters and donors.
Donald Trump and family had been invited but apparently he is not allowed into the country - too many charges pending against him in the US, as a result he has been placed on a list of undesirables.
As well, his boys still have several unpaid bar tabs throughout the country and have been deemed as undesirables. There was some concern that Don Junior and his pseudo-wife would be trafficking cocaine as he did on his last visit.
“He’s Americas’s problem, we have no desire to allow his type into the country. He can party in Saudi Arabia with his brother-in-law.”
However, Trump’s spouse, Melania Trump the party girl, was invited but chose not attend as she had already planned to do some major shopping this week.
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