“I really didn’t want to have to deal with that Pence guy again, he always wanted us to do something for Americans and nothing for me and my family. We’re Americans too. I finally got so sick of him and his ‘ideas’ that I suggested to my MAGA followers that they hang him. I was at the end of my rope that January 6th, and that’s where I wanted to see him.”
The twice impeached rapist and grifter was speaking in the Mar-A-Lardo kitchen to me and a group of Newsmax reporters - both of them - when he floated the idea of running for president again “but this time my running mate will be chosen from my family”.
“You can’t trust anyone outside the family. My dad taught me that.”
When asked who might serve as his running mate he explained, “Well I think it has to be Vanky - let’s face it - wouldn’t anybody just love going to work each and every afternoon knowing you’d be spending half a day with those nips peeking out at you from a low cut dress. You gotta admit that rack is hard to resist.
“Much nicer than having to look into Eric’s vacant stare as he tries to understand what he’s being told. He’s just like a puppy. We almost called him Rex. It would’ve been easy for him - only one syllable to learn. Took him forever to learn ‘Eric’ - seems two syllables really fucked him up. So, I think I’ll put him in charge of the post office.
“As for Junior, well let’s face it - you’ve heard his rants on Twitter and Truth Social that day it was up and working. He really likes to rant - so he’s an obvious choice for Press Secretary. Only thing is I’m sure he’s going to want to hold his briefings in the middle of the night. He claims that is when he does his best thinking and speaking. Especially after snorting half an eight ball. He spends his days sleeping with that hot fiancé of his. Hmm - think I’ll find a spot for her as well. Or maybe they can split Press Secretary duties. Or maybe…”
It was at this point that I stopped listening and started chasing bedbugs around the room.
He finally realized that he was speaking to a cat and told me to get the fuck out but the Newsmax girls to were allowed to stay. He poured them glasses of Trump Vodka and invited them to continue the interview in his cottage.