Trump considering House Speakership

"Can I pardon myself?"

I just happened to have lunch with TFG the other day.

Not because I’m a masochist, but I am a cat and cats are curious creatures.

I wanted to know if he’s seriously considering taking the House Speaker position on offer now that his toady Matt Gaetz turned his personal grievance with Kevin into a bullying war.

Trump had a preponderance of queries which he mistakenly thought I might be able to answer.

“Am I seriously considering it? Yeah I am. But I have a whole list of questions I need you to answer before I commit.

“Can I order people around and fire them if I want? Can I pardon people? Can I pardon myself and have all these indictments go away? Can I imprison people that I don’t agree with?

“Do I get a staff? How many of the staff are hot teenage girls that won’t mind if I grab their pussies? I do not need another rape charge. I haven’t even paid for the last one yet.

“Do I get free food from fast food places. I am fond of rodent and reptile pizza and Diet Coke. Oh, and ketchup. Lots of ‘throwing ketchup’. I prefer Heinz. Leaves a great stain.”

I came close to choking on his preferred meal and asked, “But sir, wouldn’t consuming rodents and reptiles constitute cannibalism?”

“Who cares?”

I told him I was fairly certain that it was illegal.

“Cmon cat, you’ve been watching me for a long time. Have you ever known me to shrink away from misdemeanors and felonies? And they told me that I can use my own plane as long as my family are the only other passengers.

“The FAA is on the verge of grounding it. I love that plane. It’s never had any maintenance. They didn’t seem to care about the family, but they were a little concerned about the flight crew. I told them not to worry. I have heavy insurance policies on them, with me as the sole beneficiary, of course.

“And there is the problem of doing something with the boys. I’m negotiating jobs for them because it doesn't look too good for them at the Trump Organization.

“They’ll never find jobs in New York after we’re prohibited from doing business. I’m hoping I can find something for them in the House.

“Junior’s only skill is yelling maniacally and Eric has no skills whatsoever. He did work with children's charities for a bit, but I’m afraid that’s not an option for him anymore. He may be allowed to babysit. Do you know if the House has a daycare for the member’s kids? You never know, he might good be at babysitting. Or pet sitting. Dogs seem to like him.

“And of course Vanky will be in the Middle East starting destined-to-fail clothing lines with that ventriloquist dummy of a husband of hers.

#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini #HeroyamSlava

#NeverMetACatIDidNotLikeExceptThatBigMeanOrangeCatAtTheEndOfTheBlock