Trump image consultants advise Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre to cover his entire face
"Why do you think we told Trump never to appear in public without full makeup?"
A group of GOP image consultants, who worked tirelessly with Donald Trump during the past two USA presidential election campaigns, have taken on a new client - Canadian Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre.
I spoke with the lead consultant earlier this week and it was a real eye-opener.
“Trump was a real challenge. He refused to wear a COVID mask, so his whole face was visible. It was terrifying. One of our team finally came up with the answer - make up, spackle and a spray-on tan.
“The spackle was problematic as chunks of it would periodically fall off should the vehicle hit a bump while ferrying Trump from one rally to another. This would often delay his appearance as the team patched him up. Fortunately the Trump team had pirated lots of music to keep spirits high among the waiting audience.
“Now with Poilievre, we face a larger problem. The make-up and plaster aren’t doing it. And he’s repeatedly refused to take a time out from his campaigning to undergo a little plastic surgery.
“For some unknown reason, a campaign image consultant advised him to lose his eye glasses. Big mistake. By removing the glasses and letting him appear full faced he has made the matter worse.
“Young conservative parents with small children have reported never-ending fearful crying once the children have seen a naked faced Pierre. One parent told me that his four year old has been having nightly nightmares since seeing the bare faced Poilievre.
“Finally, after days of brain storming, we think we have come up with a solution. Cover as much of that face as possible and for God’s sake - put the fucking eyeglasses on. With dark-tinted lenses to coverup that gunslinger look he’s got going.
“A very large COVID mask will help, and a very large wide-brimmed cowboy hat should cover enough to get him through this campaign.
“He’ll look like a fucking idiot in the House of Commons but that’s kind of what he looks like now.”
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