Trump spends at least four hours a day plotting, hating and tanning
Composing something akin to the infamous 'Enemies of Nixon' lists of the '70s
“Giuliani - that son of a bitch. He should be on my list of assholes,” Donald J Trump screamed as he threw a bottle of Heinz ketchup at Rudy’s picture which happened to be hanging on the wall.
It’s late at night at Mar-A-Largo and an eerie orange glow emanates from Donald Trump’s home office.
Pictures of Trump’s friends and associates line the walls of his office, each covered in ketchup.
The glow in the room is puzzling as there are no lights in the room. It finally dawned on me that Trump himself was the source of the orange light.
Ivanka Trump explained to me that she was sure the orange glow was the result of cheap toxic spray tanning.
“He gets a spray-down every day - sometimes twice a day - at a place called ‘Tans R Uz’, a business operating out of a mobile home near the hotel. They give daddy tans in exchange for time with Melania.
“I tell you Tom, I’m positive that spray is toxic. I heard that the guy that operates it used to be in the pest control business. Do you think the spray might be toxic? He’s starting to get crazier.”
I told Ivanka I really didn’t care, and asked who she was to judge anyone’s sanity? After all, she did marry a puppet.
She snapped back at me, “Well at least I don’t spend all day making lists of people who have wronged me. Jared does that for me when he’s not in Saudi or talking with daddy’s lawyers, whoever they happen to be this week.”
I asked about the lists.
“Oh, those are people who ‘who are going to get what’s coming to them’ for inconveniencing daddy.”
#AdoptDontShop. #SlavaUkraini