Trump terrified by what President Musk might do to him

"Not only will he kill me if I disobey him, he'll eat me alive while I watch."

I asked pseudo-president Donald Trump how he can let Elon take over the Presidency.

“I’ll tell you Tom - the guy terrifies me. I just let him do what he wants. He told me that if I interfere with anything he does he would eat me alive. I know everyone thinks I’m a little mentally challenged, but Elon makes me look good. I just wish he’d let me do a presidential thing or two.

“He told me that if I behave and do everything he tells me to do he just might let me throw out the first pitch of the Triple A baseball season.

“But he did give a promotion to ‘Piss Boy #1’. If he needs to urinate he calls for me to bring his gold plated piss pot and hold it while he relieves himself.

“He has a couple of his teenage IT staff following me around and reporting to him - I don’t dare step out of line. I have no idea what might happen to me if I disobey. I believe him. The guy is a freaking maniac. I’ve seen him eat a live dog that barked too much while he snorted cocaine.

“He gives me a weekly allowance and an hour a day with one of his women. An hour is far too long. I’m good after 10 minutes. I don’t believe in foreplay. Just ask any of my wives.”

“I think I may have made a mistake hitching my wagon to his star.

“Sorry to cut this short Tom, but I’m getting a text from him - he has to defecate.

“I think this might be a promotion. I may get Melania and my son back. Damn, I can’t remember his name.”

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