Donald J Trump has offered Russian dictator, Vladimir Putin a helping hand in his delusional, ill-fated quest to absorb eastern Europe.
Dear Vlad,
Sorry for writing instead of phoning, but I’m sure the FBI are listening to all my calls.
“I recently discovered that I can get myself out of some deep shit by simply thinking the problem away. You see, I still had some of those documents I was selling to you, and Ivanka told me that I could be in serious trouble by keeping top secrets at my motels, golf courses and Ivana’s grave. So I just used my massive brain and thought about declassifying them. Problem solved.”
“Of course it helped that I have blackmailed half the US judiciary. They’ll do any fucking thing I want. I got one broad who is fucking with an inquiry into me - she’s just making shit up, you’d love it. So between simply thinking a problem away and extorting half the GOP, I’m going to get off and be able to run for president in 2024.”
“Anyway, I was thinking that if you could just give me a list of the countries you want to annex and I can simply think them into being part of Russia. But not Greenland. I want Greenland.”
“Hell, if Europe is not enough for you I can get you some American states. I’ve got a few giving me some issues that I would gladly part with.”
“Let me know. Incidentally - I might need a new home - do you have some place for me and a few friends and family that may need to relocate on short notice? You know - just like you did with Edward Snowden. We’ll need transportation as most of my aircraft have been deemed as “unfit to fly” by the aviation safety guys. As well, the NSA is keeping a pretty close eye on me.”
Your partner in tyranny,
Donald J Trump
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Dear Donald,
Go fuck yourself.
Vlad
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