Trump's last resort
If he doesn't want to spend what's left of his miserable life in prison
“I tell you Tom, I’ve got to be returned to the White House. If not, I’m fucked - I’ll spend the rest of my life in prison.”
TFG and I were having one of our periodic heart to hearts.
“Over ninety-teen indictments. That’s a lot. I’m sure my campaign team can buy our way out of some but I’m thinking some of the charges will stick.
“And there are an awful lot of ‘indiscretions’ I’ve committed that haven’t even been discovered yet. I’m afraid that the more that fricking nosy Jack Smith digs, the more he’ll find.
“I don’t think I’ll do good in prison. And with my orange tan and orange jumpsuit I’ll be almost invisible. I can’t have that. I have to be seen.
“I have to be re-elected. Then I can pardon myself and continue to make a lot of money.
“Money. That’s what life is all about Tom. Speaking of money - hey - you’re a cat, you guys like meat. Wanna buy some Trump steaks?
“But I have to warn you, because you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a friend - most of the steaks are freezer burnt and a lot of them have been thawed and re-frozen - so there’s a good chance they’ll make you sick. And truthfully I’m not even sure that they’re actually beef.
“I bought a lot of them from a shady bunch in Alabama. So who knows what kind of animal they come from. I’m a little worried that some are from unsolved murders down there.
“Law enforcement in the Deep South is pretty much a hit or miss kinda thing. Unless they decide that they’re after a Black man. Not many of those guys even make it to a cell, let alone a courtroom.
“So as far as these “steaks” go, I can’t guarantee anything. There are a lot of them that I know are from cattle that died of anthrax. So it would be best if you sell or give them away to people you don’t know, or don’t like. But for fuck’s sake - do not eat them yourself. You’re my only friend.”
#AdoptDontShop #SlavaUkraini #HeroyamSlava
#NeverMetAnAnimalIDidNotLikeExceptThatBigMeanOrangeCatAtTheEndOfTheBlock
Well, you had me until the last line. TFFG wouldn’t care if you had bad meat as long as he gets your $$$!