UK Tories Do Away With Elections
"We'll just keep appointing whoever we feel might be somewhat adequately equipped."
A Tory official spoke with me on the condition of anonymity and informed me that the UK will be doing away with ‘pesky general elections’ unless legally required to call an election.
“General elections are expensive. And we know we will get our asses handed to us. So we’ve decided to do away with them for as long as we can. Rather, we will be alternating leaders according to gender for the foreseeable future.”
“Boris, Liz, Rishi - who garnered 202 votes to take the position of PM in this latest round. It will be Penny Mordaunt’s turn after Sunak pisses everyone off or his life is threatened.”
I talked to Larry the No 10 cat to get his thoughts.
“This is so fucked up. Two hundred and two Tories have chosen our next PM. No input from citizens. A group of wealthy layabouts have decided that the British people deserve no say in who will be running the country through these difficult times.”
“The Independent conducted a poll and found that an overwhelming number of their readers (400,000) voted in favour of a General Election now. It seems that the Tories know that they will be soundly defeated and would prefer to play political games and cut taxes for the rich rather than face the electorate.”
“Up next will be Prime Minister Penny. I have no idea who it will be after she’s kicked to the curb. Back to the top of the order? BoJo perhaps?”
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