‘Very dangerous’ fruit
The fruit at the Jimmy Jones style rallies currently being held to raise cash for the soon to be indicted Trump family has the orange man terrified.
Reports are surfacing of MAGAts smuggling a variety of fruit into Trump rallies throughout the US.
The fruit at the Jimmy Jones style rallies currently being held to raise cash for the soon to be indicted Trump family has the orange man terrified.
Now this is a man who exists on a diet of fast food and Diet Coke so it kind of makes sense that fruit would terrify him. It’s totally foreign to him. And he really doesn’t like things he can’t understand. Like women. Or POC. Baffles the shit out of him. And so does sunrise. Terrifies him. Every single morning.
But why are Trump fluffers bringing fruit to the rallies?
We asked one of the faithful at a recent gathering.
Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob Crudites of Pig’s Tail, Alabama explained, “Rickets. Damn rickets. A lot of us have been following DJT’s MAGA diet since 2015 and we’ve developed rickets. And digestive problems. And ulcers. And a lot of things I can’t pronounce.
“We honestly thought that eating the same food as the richest and smartest man in the world would make us smart and rich. Turns out that all it did was make us sick and cripple a lot of us. Trump doesn’t like the handicapped and he makes fun of us.
“Our doctors told us to eat fruit. A lot of us can walk again. Not very well but we’re walking. The rallies are super long, so we bring fruit to eat instead of eating Trump rally food. It’s so damn expensive.
“You’re a cat, right? Don’t see many cats that can write. Just like you don’t see many MAGAts that can write. Or read for that matter. Thank God for Fox news.
“Oh, by the way, you won’t use my name, okay? I don’t want to get on Trump’s bad side.”
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