Want a Blue Check Mark On Your Twitter Account?

Elon is having a sale. Regular price - $20 per month. For a limited time - marked down to $8.

Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, overpaid for Twitter.

Elon knows this.

The manic-depressive Musk was rapid cycling when he finally bit the bullet and signed the deal that gave him Twitter. The world knows this. Elon knows this.

Being the astute businessman he is, he has decided to attempt to recover some of the overpayment thru the Twitter platform itself.

“It must pay for itself,” he mused out loud as he gazed at his image in the mirror he brought with him to his Twitter office, and considered how to generate income from all Twitter users.

First up - a $20 monthly fee for a blue check mark next to your Twitter handle.

Simple - all of the ‘prestige’ and no actual verification. And no cost to Elon.

But who could have foreseen the backlash and outrage over a $20 fee?

“No problem, let’s see if they’ll pay $8,” Elon thought to himself. “I can always increase it later - I’ll have their credit card info.”

What’s next?

Rumors of all sorts of fees - don’t like something that someone posted?

For $50 you can get them thrown in Twitmo for 72 hours.

There will be a whole à la carte menu of nasty things you can have done as well as nice things you can do.

Got a Twitter crush on someone? Again - a whole host of gifts and treats will be available to send to your crush. Musk does have the addresses of everyone on Twitter. Elon won’t tell us how he managed that and we’re not too keen to know. We’ll leave that to the FBI.

Currently he’s working on a pizza home delivery feature for those who like to nosh while they tweet.

#AdoptDontShop