What's Josh Hawley been up to?
He's been relatively quiet for such a prolific publicity hound. Surprise - Josh has been recruited by the USA Olympic 4 X 400 Relay Team
I hadn’t read or seen anything about or from Josh “The Streak” Hawley in some time so I thought I’d do a little investigating myself.
Cats love to investigate during those few hours we are awake each day.
What I found out should not have been a surprise but it was a bit of a mind-fuck.
Josh is in training! For the 2024 USA Olympic Team. That’s right.
I spoke with a USA Olympic official who asked that I not use his name saying, “People think I’m crazy enough without them seeing me talking to a pussy cat.
“After watching Josh’s January 6th performance, I said to myself - we need this guy to anchor the 4 X 400 relay team.
“If he can run like that wearing a suit and street shoes on the slippery floor of the Capitol, carrying a pile of documents, can you imagine how much faster he’d be wearing proper athletic garb and trainers on his fleet feet? So I approached him with the idea of trying out for the team.
“At first he was hesitant, but with a tough opponent to face in the next election he reasoned that he was likely to lose his next senate race and no one would hire him, so he finally said yes.
“We had him out on the track last week, he was running 400s in the mid 40’s. Very impressive. So impressive we signed him up right on the spot.
“Being a GOP Senator he expected to be paid in cash. I had to explain how the monetary rewards will come from ‘other sources’, not the Olympic Committee. He replied that he understood the situation completely and told me a terrifying tale of the financial benefits that GOP donors bestow upon Senators.
“At this point I started to feel sick to my stomach and we finished the paperwork committing him to the USA Olympic Team - Paris Olympics in 2024.”
I tried to talk to Hawley but he just told me to fuck off - ‘I don’t talk to cats’.
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