Mar-a-Lardo FL (CNN Cat News Network)
Traitor Tot looked up from his phone, shook his head, smiled broadly, and said to his father, “Yo Spanky, tick tock motherfucker. More trouble on the horizon.”
“What? What now?”
Spanky inhaled, taking a last bite of KFC drumstick dripping with the Colonel’s pseudo-gravy.
He wiped his chins and said, “You know, KFC gravy would be just great by itself - as a beverage. Don’t really need the meat, especially if you’re in a hurry. I gotta look into that - sounds a like a real money-maker to me. I’ll do it online. Put my brand on it. Get me the Colonel on the phone - we’ll partner up.”
“Yeah, that’s great dad, you ridiculous gelatinous lump of larcenous orange lard. The Colonel’s dead. Now, pay attention. The January 6th shit show - they’re finding all sorts of dirt. Your fingerprints are all over it.”
“What makes you think I care? The only thing I care about is my money. Which I may or not have. And which I may or may not have acquired legally. And I don’t like the idea of my financial records, which may or may not exist, I don’t like the idea of them being looked at by strange FBI and IRS people. A president shouldn’t be subject to investigation. I have executive privilege. That’s the only reason I got into politics. Oh, and to meet broads.
“The January 6th thing - I made sure that I had distance from all those losers. Including you. Pour me another glass of gravy and get me Rudy on the phone. If I’m going to start my gravy business, I’m going to need a lawyer. He might know a lawyer who isn’t a fanatic about getting paid.”